Yes, I am taking advantage of the current global emphasis on social distancing to generate more awareness of the everyday lives of people around you and, hopefully, enlighten you as to why people with disabilities often adopt these high of standards in life. People who live with anxiety, compulsive disorders, depression, stress disorders and social blindness are adept at making sure you do not recognize the negative aspects of their lived realities. Many of you are now experiencing these kinds of realities firsthand. I assure you: you will be okay. Here are some strategies that I have adopted over the years that I wish to share with you:
1. Wiggle your toes!
I always wiggle my toes. It was one of my earliest coping techniques. Sitting at optometry machines, not being allowed to blink or move a centimeter, plus being mildly claustrophobic, as a girl was maddening. So, I twitched my feet until they complained then just my toes or twitch my fingers. In class, I would twitch my pencils a lot. I remember a teacher reaching over to stop me from doing it on numerous occasions. But you know what! It’s okay to wiggle your toes! In mindfulness exercises, this is a proven method to bring yourself back into your physical body and out of the monkey mind. Also ask anyone who has ever had a tattoo if they twitched their foot to take their mind off the pain; they probably did without much thought to it. It takes yourself away from your mind and into your body as the perfect self-distraction technique.
2. Nod when you greet people.
When I first saw this cultural practice, I was fascinated! I thought it respectful and sanitary. Not to mention how overwhelming it was when a person rapidly approached me for a hug, or even worse, a “double-bec”(a kiss to each side of the cheek). So, I keep my hands to myself, and I tilt my body towards the person so at least they have a visual acknowledgement of being addressed. This is enough and 95% of people totally respect the distance I define and are respectful in return.
When I nod, I am mentally smiling and saying, “Hello, it is nice to meet your acquaintance.” Through employment training and psychology courses, I learned that the thoughts you have during your actions make a world of a difference. Just ask any call centre employee who has been told to smile on the phone – their metrics no doubt improved once they started smiling.
Shaking a hand after watching a person touch their face and who knows what else for a few minutes is enough to make me cringe. I am a secret germaphobe but, through much effort, I have turned this compulsion into being “germfully aware” like I would be if I was a nurse working in a hospital.
3. Discuss best communication methods for meetings
There are so many options now that in person is more challenging, such as Facebook Messenger Video, Facetime, Instagram messenger video, Google Hangouts, Skype, Zoom, and more. Now it is even easier to have a conversation about what modalities work best for all members and then choose a happy medium that accommodates as best as any option. For example, I make a point to tell folks that I need to see their face to best understand what they are saying due to multiple disabilities.
It has been historically important to leverage technology to keep up with sensoriotypicals. Now this necessity to leverage technology applies to everyone who needs to connect with another human being from the home and now can include more folks with disabilities. The caveat though is that all involved it must be on decent internet connections and must be able to see the full face, particularly the eyes and lips. If there are multiple people, it is helpful to define at the beginning of the meeting how it will be assured that each person will have their moment to say their piece and ask questions.
Defining new communication techniques is an important ice breaker conversation to have with your colleagues. So, take 10 minutes to have this conversation will save so much time for future meetings and a lot of resentful frustrations from building.
4. Check-in with others
I know when I have a question or start feeling down that others may be feeling that way too, so I figure that a collective cheer up may be in order. Even when people work in groups, they can still feel isolated in their tasks. I know that I function best one-on-one or in small groups. So, my version of a “pep-rally” involves personally distributing happy thoughts. In my previous job, I would go around to drop off cards (and sometimes some swag), say hello, allow people to vent about current projects, and help them out whenever possible. Really even simply lending an ear in helpful.
Checking-in can be done virtually now via messenger or e-mail with a silly picture and a “hey, what’s up! Want to video chat for 15-20 minutes during coffee break this morning? Let me know what times will work best for you!” In these uncertain times, defining how much time you wish to dedicate is a small thing you can do to create a scenario with less anxiety for the “happy thoughts” recipient.
When you start the coffee break, it is important to confirm if 15-20 minutes is firm and if so, stick to it for both of your sake.
Open with “hey, how are you? What are you working on?”;
Actively listen for 5-7 minutes each;
Paraphrase what the person said back to them;
Highlight a silver lining or two that you were able to gleam from the conversation that the other person may be overlooking in their story;
Conclude with well wishes and move on with your day.
c. If you’re up for it, schedule a coffee date each day over this next week with friends, family and colleagues.
Our world is forever changed, and we herald an opportunity to let it change us for the better. I am recognizing that for the first time in my life that I feel somewhat sane and validated for having such “high standards” all my life because it turns out that they are for good reason, my friend. It is my hope that writing blog articles like this helps me in going back into the world of business post-burnout while helping others in this transitional time. Social distancing is not inherently bad, in fact, it can demonstrate great respect for your fellows and enforce healthy boundaries.
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